Life is odd, yet as much as I try to understand it I can't even grasp what it is. This little part is about love today.
I can't even understand why I think the way I do. I know I can't make every one happy. I know to me happy I have to take some falls and have other people take there falls but I don't want to. I want some one to enjoy every moment with so I don't have to make sure I make every one happy. is it wrong to think of this. I make things so hard for my self and often lose track of my goal. I forget to look down on the path so I won't trip. When I don't look I always get a rock of life in my way and I trip on it. And when I get up I look for my path and see that I was blinded by love so much I am not looking at that I need to do. In my life I've only can truly say my heart wanted 3 people in my life. Other people I dunno why but they made it deep with in me and it hard for me to say I love you to them because to say it, it feels like I'm not saying it but my soul is. It feels like every part of my body wants to scream it and to me I've never like to talk about my feeling like that. Every day I try to find a spark of what my soul yearns for in other people like a addict but I feel emptiness in most of the people I know. I've ran buy some people that what my soul yearns for but it more like a elision. Some one that I can't be with because roadblocks. No problem find a way across them. Well I've travel half way across the world from the start of my travels. From the small Gothic looking city of Syracuse NY. Now in Hawaii and next I dunno.
I've learn in my travels more about life and my self. I learn that looks are important because you can tell a lot about ones personality from that. You can tell if they are a party person and love to drink and smoke by there voice. But I don't go on some one by there looks alone. Because often it wrong on how some one look. But still I can't say thats where u look for love. I was told along time ago love can't be found, love can't be picked, you can't by love. The only way to find it is open ur heart and show some one who you are and how u are in life.
Byproduct of life. You meet some one and are friends, if that spark is there for both parties then see what it is. If it love or yearn to be with some one. Would it be bad to be with some one to just be with them? Well if you are then it's a lie that your telling your self. Maybe you don't wanna hurt that person because he/she loves you. Or maybe you both feel the same and yet to afraid to end things.
Why would u torment yourself so much for a lie. Would you be afraid to hurt there feeling or to be alone? Is it because she looks hot or great in bed? Or maybe you lived in the lie so long you don't know the truth. Your life is but a lie built on many lies. You say you love some one because the love is there but not the bond. That love you have for them is like a love to your family or coworkers. But we would never say I love you to our coworkers because it's a word for a strong emotional feeling between the two. But love is just a word to describe a feeling that we feel.
When I was felt love I felt a deep connection with that person. I felt noting in the world matters but that person. I can say I understand how a dog feels about his master that love him. That dog would move mountains to make his master happy. I look at what I can do to be happy with some one and I want that same feeling. I want some one I can not look and say wow she looks great but wow I would follow her to hell if it meant I can be by her side. I would do anything for her to show my love and loyalty to her.
But at the end there nothing in this world I know I can do to find this person I just have to let lady luck guide me to this path. Because I know at the end I will find what I've been looking for. :)
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